Now what do we talk about...

Last year in July my life took a turn in an unexpected direction. After nearly 4 years of planning and dreaming about moving to Sweden, suddenly it was off the table.

Maybe it is time to talk about my life post Swedish Adventure.

Where have I been for the last fifteen months? After much consideration I resigned from United World Mission and made plans to stay in Arizona and continue working for the foreseeable future.

There were some tough months and depression weighed in as I dealt with the loss of my dream and what I truly believed was God's plan for my life. I was confused, angry, disappointed and had an almost overwhelming sense of guilt toward those I felt I had let down. In my mind I had failed so many people and didn't know how to fix the situation.

Slowly I realized I didn't have to fix anything but rather I had to continue to trust in God and His plan for me. Looking back I understand it was more about the journey than the destination. There were lessons I needed to learn along the way that He knew I wasn't going to figure out on my own.

If you had told me 5 years ago I would be speaking in front of large crowds and sharing my dream of Sweden, my response would have been to tell you I am shy and I could never do such a thing. Instead, I found myself traveling around the country speaking whenever and wherever the opportunity was given.

Don't misunderstand me here...I am not saying I was or am a great speaker. Nothing could be further from the truth. However, I was given the ability to write and then speak those words in a clear message and God allowed the words to have an impact of those who heard.

Today in church my pastor mentioned the gifts we are given by God and talked about how we are suppose to be using them. It got me started thinking about the gifts God has given me and I had to ask myself if I was truly using all or even part of them. I will do some thinking on this and get back to you. I challenge you to do the same.

Update

One of the biggest challenges I have faced all along has been the amount of support I have needed to raise in order to live and work in Sweden. While I have no doubt God can and will supply all my needs, He began to work in my heart about the amount I needed. I became convicted and then convinced that God had other plans for me. Earnestly I began to pray and ask God to show me the next step.

Approximately a month ago I spoke with several people within United World Mission's organization and let them know I was no longer considering Sweden. This was a very difficult decision to make and came about as a result of much prayer, consideration, conversation with my family and friends, and some sleepless nights.

So where does that leave things? I have been asked by UWM to consider some other ministries where they have openings. Right now I am looking at different options and asking the Lord to clearly point me in the direction He wants me to move. I am asking Him to "clear the way" and make my path obvious.

Life is a journey and we never know where God is going to take us. Living life desiring to be in God's will is exciting stuff and He is full of surprises. While I am disappointed about Sweden, I am looking forward to the next part of this journey and I want to take you along. I am so appreciative of your partnership over the last 3 years. I would ask that you continue to pray for me and stand by me while I make this transition.

United World Mission will be making a formal announcement once I have made a final decision about the direction I am headed.

N

Party on!

Forget proper English - we had several reasons to celebrate last night and celebrate we did! - we had a fabulous time at Kyle's graduation party and his 24th birthday bash combo.

Elyse knows how to throw a party and the Jackson and Stein clans know how to enjoy one so it all worked out well for everyone.

I was so busy talking...I know, hard to imagine...that I forgot I had a camera in my hand so there are only a few pictures here.

Several of Kyle's friends from High School and college showed up to help celebrate along with some family friends.

And of course what would a party be without cake.

Pomp and Circumstance!

These were proud moments for me and the rest of the family as we watched my son graduate. He graduated from New York University Law School on May 23rd, 2008 and also received the Order of the Barrister award. 3 years of hard work are over and he is back in Phoenix hard at work studying for his bar exam in July.

Pictures top to bottom - Me, Kyle and his Dad, Jim Hallstrom, Kyle and Elyse (his wife to be), Kyle and his Grandma Jean Westfall.

Mission Possible

I admit to doubt...lots of it these days and I am struggling to wade through it all. Sweden seems like an impossible task and daunting at best. Frankly the economics of it all scare me and I have asked myself if this is the right time for me to be raising financial support.

Today I read the story of Jesus and his disciples feeding 5000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish. (Mark 6:30-44) This large group of people had followed Jesus and his disciples to a remote area. The time was late and everyone was hungry and tired so the Disciples asked Jesus to send everyone away to buy themselves something to eat. Instead, Jesus instructed the Disciples to feed them. Needless to say the Disciples were astonished! Feed 5000 people with what they asked? All they found for food was 5 loaves and 2 fish and that wasn't going to make a dent in what was needed.

Can you imagine the conversation the Disciples must have had with each other? Jesus has got to be kidding...He can't be serious...He must not be thinking clearly, etc. But, here is the kicker to the story. The Disciples believed in Jesus enough and trusted Him enough that they did what He told them to do even when they doubted Him.

Here was a situation that seemed impossible with human resources but was possible because they trusted God to supply the need. Somehow the Disciples managed, without a microphone or large amplifiers, to get everyone into groups of about 150. The food was distributed and when the Disciples cleaned up afterwards there were 12 baskets of food left over!

I am faced with a similar situation, a herculean task if you will. The Lord has asked me to serve Him in Malmo, Sweden and He wants me there soon. Please pray with me as I continue to trust God to provide the resources I need for Sweden.

Traveling the friendly skies...

I am headed to South Dakota for a few days of rest and relaxation. At least that is the plan...I am cautiously optimistic that my airline will remain in business and my flights won't be canceled.

That being said I realize it is important to have a plan "B". Part of that plan is to have the phone number for United Airlines readily available in my cell phone. Canceled flights, weather delays, equipment problems, etc are all out of my control so the rest of my plan "B" is to not panic if some of these things do happen.

When it comes to moving to Sweden, I don't have a plan "B". I have signed on for a trip where I don't know the date of departure or the details of the landing. All I do know at this point is God has asked me to travel to Malmo and share Jesus. The time line is up to Him.

By faith

Picking up my Bible, I turned to Hebrews 11 and began to read the chapter. The first thing that jumps out are the words "by faith", words that are used 21 times in in the first 31 verses in my NIV translation. The chapter goes on to list numerous examples from the Old Testament where God's people responded "by faith" to what they believed God was instructing them. Noah built an ark and saved his family despite ridicule from those around him. Abraham was called to go to a place where he would later receive as his inheritance. He went even though he did not know where he was going. These men of the Bible walked by faith, trusting God for what they could not see or know for certain.

We are called to walk by faith just like those in the Bible. God gives us his word to read and direct access to Him through prayer to enable us. All we need to do is trust in Him by faith. Easy, right?

I came back from my trip to Florida praising God for the work he is doing in Bradenton. God is using Bethel Church to spread the message of salvation around the world, not just Bradenton. They have a global vision and are not daunted by obstacles that may get in their way.

Me on the other hand got sucked into the whole recession thing going on here in the USA and began to doubt God's provision, His ability to put together the finances I need to move to Sweden this year. I stopped asking God to provide, stopped asking others to invest in God's work and literally just stopped in my tracks, frozen, unable to move.

Gripped by fear and not knowing what to do, I asked God to show me my next steps. I called and talked to my team members about my anxiety. They encouraged me and we found we have some of the same fears but unlike me they were not letting their fear control them.

Where was my faith? Like so many times in my life I chose to try to do this all on my own, selfishly thinking it was all about me and I lost sight of the cross. I have asked God to forgive me and to give me new insight into His plan for my life. I ask for your forgiveness and pray that I will continue to grow and be a willing vessel serving Him.

Christ is our example and we are to live as he lived and obey God, surrendering our lives completely to His will. For me this is a daily, hourly, sometimes minute by minute surrender to living and walking by faith.

More than anything I ask that you pray for me as I continue to walk toward serving in Sweden. I desire to be fearless and unselfish, focused on growing in His wisdom and grace, humbly serving wherever He takes me.

N